It is too late to regret I know, but constantly these thoughts cross my mind. Once it was my dream to get into med school. Al hamdulilah my dream is accomplished . Back then my neighbor was my role model every morning I see her in white coat she looked amazing (even without white coat she looks awesome)that was my main motivation. Then as years passed I got interested in biology that was the reason why I chose MEDICINE. Before joining the only matter that bothered me was that i should say goodbye to all the enjoyment for the rest of my life.
My first year in med school was uneventful may be because half of the topic that was taught in high school was repeated. Those days I thought medicine was pretty much easy.As days passed I realised my assumption went wrong .Second and third year was the most hectic years I had to face . I still remember just before my exams in second year one of my senior gave me a piece of advice ” never give up you are gonna face a difficult year ahead” I never took that so serious because initially when I joined med school I could see many of my friends ended up in depression because they had to go through so much hardship ,well I thrived through those days without being challenged.
But I had to face the worst year of my life during 2014- 2015 unfortunately just before my pathology examination with the book opened right infront of me for the first time in my life I felt like giving up what i pursued in life. I can’t complain because after all it was my choice , I felt like i can never cope up with the stress. I remember my feelings rolled down my cheeks instead .I could barely convey my frustrations.
I was the one who was to be accused for making this choice .In the past i have never experienced such a dramatic scene .I ended up worrying my mother , she saw me going through hell those days.the only thing that gave me the power to struggle is ICE CREAM 🙂 Thank you for being too sweet with me 😛 . Till this date nothing collapsed me like those stormy days .Seriously I lost confidence in me and my achievements in the past. Believe me my mother stood next to me she had faith in me when nobody else had.She was the strongest pillar who gave me all the strength when I was weak.
Now I am confused whether that choice was the best or not. Whoever ask me what is my future plan I am clueless don’t know where will I do my internship and whats my plan after house surgency.I like working in Kerala but there i need to clear FMGE and also repeat a year of house surgency. It’s ridiculous for a girl like me who was born and brought up here to choose a developing country to work.People whoever come across the only question they are bothered to ask me is “how is your studies going so far” as if they are concerned about my studies,instead this question aggrevates guilt in me for choosing this wonderful profession.
Going through so much pain still I am worried about my future.When will the strangled life get back to its track.Now when somebody enquires about medicine I try to demotivate them because I dont want others to go through what I have been through. I have always wondered peple who was forced into medicine will be going through so much difficulty in life. May god help them to survive through this disaster.
No matter which country I choose to settle I need to study and pass all the licensing exams in that particular nation.I feel pity for all those medicos our life is all about examinations and books. Stepping to this field made me realize doctors are the selectively chosen human sent from heaven for curing the ill.
I took the one less travelledby
and that has made all the difference